


My personal sleeping pill

by Tardisangel67



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal, Drug Use, End!verse, Endverse, Guilt, Insomnia, M/M, Oral Sex, Suicidal Thoughts, bad decisions tbh, do not try this at home kids this is fan fiction not sex ed, spn endverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 14:24:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13615245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tardisangel67/pseuds/Tardisangel67
Summary: Written for spnpolybingo challengeEnd!verse Dean can't sleep, so he decides to go pay Cas a visit, at first for some medical help, but also for more. They're later joined by a younger Dean who's surprised to discover the nature of their relationship.





	My personal sleeping pill

Dean laid sleepless in his bed. He had been laying there for hours now, drenched in his own sweat and totally distraught. Even the evening chill wasn’t enough to cool the suffocating heat he felt. It was impossible for him to sleep, his ideas racing through his head, reminding him of all the mistakes he had made in order to land himself here. Sure, he might have been the leader of this refugee camp, but don’t be mistaken, he had no more idea than any other refugee as to how they were going to survive in the hell-scape the Apocalypse thrown them into. He had to put on a strong face like he always had, now more than ever, with a whole community relying on him, but it was crushing him. Dean was lost, and he couldn’t say that the lack of sleep he has been suffering was helping.

This had to end. It took him all the strength of his body to sit up, but he did. He knew what he had to do, for himself, for his performance, but mostly for the community. He had to hold on strong, but he couldn’t, not on his own, not like this. Dean was a strong man, and could handle a lot, thanks to his father’s absentee parenting methods, but he could feel that it wouldn't be long before he would give in an put a bullet through his head. He knew that heaven was closed, but even Hell itself couldn’t be worse than his current situation. The only thing keeping him going was knowing that he would be leaving so many innocent lives to be butchered by the croatoan-infected zombies by killing himself. It was that guilt and sense of duty that pushed him to get out of bed and try the very last solution he had left.

Up until now, Dean had always prided himself on never relying on any illicit substances to keep grinding, only booze, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Dean knew exactly where he could find the what he needed: the little wooden cabin with the beaded curtains, Castiel’s cabin.

It wasn’t the first time he decided to visit his old friend in the middle of the night, so he doubted that Castiel would mind. The way to his cot was now more than familiar to Dean. His nocturnal visits to the village guru were more regular than he dared to admit. Admitting he visited Castiel so often, would inevitably lead to having to admit he cared for him in a way he wasn’t comfortable with voicing. He wasn’t ready to take that step yet, not in public at least. But Castiel knew, he was sure he did. Dean had noticed that he was different around him, especially since he fell from grace. Castiel knew that Dean loved him, and not in the same way he loved Sam, but damn, Dean wished he didn’t. It was easy to rationalize their late night encounters by seeing them only as a sexual outlet to Dean’s pent up frustration, but Castiel knowing that it was more than that was inconvenient. Him knowing that Dean has feelings for him will only bring him pain and a sense of betrayal when Dean will have to leave him alone in this broken world when he’ll die, because he will. Dean could feel death’s scythe against his throat every morning , but for the refugee’s and for Cas’s sake, he tried to fight it for as long as he could.

When he reached the cabin and had pulled aside the beaded curtains, he noticed something unusual. Castiel was asleep. Dean knew that it wasn’t common at night for him. He laid splayed out on the dirty sheets of his ratty queen sized bed and was wearing his usual clothes. He had probably passed out that way after a few pills Dean guessed. He stopped, hesitating as to if he should awaken him from his surely needed sleep. Just as he was turning away, he heard Cas stir on the bed and looked back at him.

“Dean…” he mumbled sleepily.

Dean wasn’t sure if he was just talking in his sleep or actually calling him, but he took a step closer to the bed.

“Dean… is that you?” Castiel asked his head perking up from the pillow where it was resting.

He looked so soft and confused laying there squinting into the darkness. Dean felt bad for waking him up. But what was done was done, and soon they’d both be back to sleep.

“Yeah…it’s me Cas. Don’t worry.” he reassured him.

Cas relaxed instantly. He set his head back onto the pillow and gestured with his hand towards Dean, inviting him on to the bed. Dean wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he got onto the bed too and sat next to Castiel.

“Lay down… No one’s going to come and attack us tonight… ’s too hot…” Castiel assured him.

Dean reluctantly laid onto his back next to Castiel. Their bodies were barely grazing each other at first, then Castiel rolled onto him, nesting his head under Dean’s chin.

“What’s the matter Dean? What can I do for you?” he inquired, his lips grazing Dean’s neck.

Dean didn’t know how to proceed: _should he just ask point blank if he could borrow some drugs, or try to get the message through more subtly in order to save himself some of the little dignity he had left?_

In absence of an answer, Castiel started to edge his way down his body, pressing kisses through Dean’s clothes on the way south.

“You’re…not… very… talkative tonight Dean… Perhaps… there’s a way to… get something… out of you…” he whispered between kisses.

Just as Castiel reached his navel, Dean spoke up. “No. I don’t want… that.” he protested feebly “I was hoping you could provide for me… in your other specialty…”

Castiel looked up at Dean. “You’d prefer a quick handjob…?” he offered.

“No. No not that either…” Dean objected “Pills. I want… some of your sleeping pills.”

Cas sat up on top of him. He examined Dean’s face trying to understand if he was serious or not. Once he realized Dean was not joking, he let out a tired sigh.

“‘m afraid you’re a bit too late for that buddy. I took the last few before bed, and my supplier isn’t coming back from a raid ’til tomorrow afternoon.”

Dean’s expression shifted into exasperation, and Castiel felt he was about to try to get up, leaving him alone again.

“But, wait… I might still be able to get you some of the same effects.”

Dean shook his head. “I was up for sleeping pills, not some random shit…” He started to sit up, but Cas pinned him back down.

“No. No, that’s not what I meant Dean. I mean, I’ve had way over the recommended dose myself, so maybe… I could share a little…” He leaned in closer to Dean, pressing their foreheads together.

“Kiss me…” he whispered against Dean’s lips.

Dean wasn’t sure Castiel’s method would actually work, but he did want to kiss Castiel. The kiss was slow and deep. Castiel was trying his best to share the effects of the sleeping pills with Dean.

He stopped after a while and pulled away. “Do you feel any more drowsy now?” Castiel asked Dean.

Dean shook his head “No… But maybe we should keep trying?” he offered.Castiel smiled knowingly.

“Sure.” he approved leaning back in, and cupping Dean’s face.

Meanwhile, Dean slid his hands into Cas’s pants and cupped his ass. He ground up against Castiel trying to relieve his quickly hardening erection. Eventually, Dean realized Castiel wasn’t grinding back, and actually wasn’t hard at all. He stopped kissing him and softly pushed Cas away. Dean stared at him for a second trying to understand why he wasn’t as into it as he was.

“Are you no longer on board for this…? Did I misread this?” he asked confused and a bit hurt while nodding towards Cas’s crotch.

Castiel chuckled. “Don’t worry Dean… I’m all in… It’s just a side effect of some of the stuff I'm on. I can’t really feel much under the belt but, hey, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.” He winked at Dean, rolling off of him and onto his stomach. “Go for it, fearless leader.” he encouraged Dean over his shoulder while shimmying out of his pants.

Dean wasn’t sure how acceptable this was, but Cas was offering…

“What about you Cas? If you can’t feel anything, aren’t you missing out…?” he inquired.

Castiel sighed, and shook his head. “I can feel over the belt, Dean… and I want you against me. I want you in me.” he explained growing impatient. “Please, fuck me.”

Dean didn’t need him to ask twice. He rid himself of his pants and underwear, and finished pulling Cas’s off. Dean spat on his hand to slick himself up before pushing into Cas. They both gasped as Dean slid in. Once Dean was pressed against Cas’s back, he gave him a soft kiss on the neck. A light shiver of pleasure ran down Cas’s spine. Dean kissed him again before sliding slowly back out and starting a rhythmic pace, kissing Cas each time he pushed in.

Castiel encouraged him, making his rhythm more and more assured and letting him forget about the fear of hurting him. Castiel let out soft cries each time Dean’s lips touched his neck. Dean could feel the tension building in his gut as he neared his release, until suddenly they were interrupted by a knock on the side of the cabin.

He collapsed onto Castiel, who answered the knock, panting.

“Yeah, who is this? I’m kind of occupied right now.”

Whoever it was hesitated for a second before answering.

“Uh.. It’s me, Dean. I mean, the one from 2009… Look man, I can’t sleep, and I just wanted to apologize…” he started They had both forgotten Dean’s younger self had been sent back in time by Zachariah to meet them and realize how bad the Apocalypse is.

Cas chuckled a bit before answering. “I think you’re forgiven… whatever you think you’ve done, I must have forgotten about it.” he hastily assured him while Dean started thrusting into him again.

“No, it’s not some small mistake we’re talking about here, I screwed you over, all of you.”

_Quite a choice of words…_ Cas thought seeing as he _was_ indeed screwing him.

“I’m really sorry about starting all of this… the Apocalypse. And I’m also sorry that you fell. Can I come in? I think we need to talk in person…” Dean insisted.

The younger Dean didn’t wait until Castiel had answered. He pushed the beaded curtains aside and entered the cabin. Both of the two on the bed yelled trying to stop him from entering but it was too late.

The younger Dean, upon realizing what was going on, froze and stared in stupefaction. Castiel tried to sputter out an explanation but he seemed to have lost his words. The camp leader was about to pull away and tell himself to get lost if he thought what he was doing was wrong, but he didn’t. The Dean from the past didn’t seem all that disturbed after all. His expression was closer to surprised, maybe even with a hint of pleased… The man nearest to the door looked at his future self with a smirk.

“You mean we actually do end up banging Cas?” He pauses. “How?” he asks.

Dean puts his hand on his forehead and laughs .“Yeah… right you two are still in denial where you’re from…I guess the apocalypse has it’s advantages… Look man, if you want to join, you’re welcome. I know for a fact this is a scene straight out of your dirtiest wet dreams, just don’t stand there judging us.” Dean offers, wanting to get back to Cas. He knew he would accept, this was just too good of an offer to pass up.

Dean looked at Castiel laying underneath his future self, and caught his gaze, wordlessly asking for permission. Castiel smiled back at him.

“C’mon Dean! The Castiel you know won’t mind. I’m pretty sure there’s no existing version of me that doesn’t want you… just let me give you a preview of what’s to come…” Castiel said reassuringly.

Castiel’s encouragement was enough for him to give in. He took his shoes, shirt, and pants off and crawled on to the bed. He settled down next to Castiel and looked up at himself.

“So… how is this going to work?” he asked hesitant but not wanting to admit his inexperience.

It appeared that his future self had already thought this through because he was already starting to switch positions. He got up into his knees, and pulled Cas up on all four. He leaned into Castiel and whispered in his ear.

“I can vaguely remember this… I think.”

“And? How does it go down?” Castiel asked amused.

“Well… you remember the offer to blow me you made earlier ?”

He nodded.

“Well, I’m pretty sure the past me would take you up on it…” Dean suggested.

Castiel looked at the other Dean. “Hey, Dean, you want to get the best blowjob you’ve ever gotten?”

Dean froze for a second surprised to hear that from Castiel, but quickly nodded.

 

Not long after, the three of them were collapsing into a pile, sated. Castiel hadn’t lied, i _t really was the best_ , Dean thought as he started to doze off between his future self and his future lover. He heard Castiel mumble something about a round two, but was too sleepy to answer.

 

The next thing he knew, Dean was waking up in the motel room Zachariah had zapped him from.

He bolted to the window, only to see that there was a busy morning crowd bustling below him. He was back in 2009.

Despite being disappointed that he’d never get to participate in the round two Castiel had mentioned, he knew he couldn’t ever let it happen. He had the opportunity to stop the Apocalypse now, there was no question here. He had to, no matter how much he wanted to experience being intimate with Castiel. He could avoid all the pain and suffering he had seen in that future. He was raised to do the right choice, and there was no question here as to what it was. All he had to do was call Micheal like Heaven wanted him to. Sure, that would mean him destroying all potential future he could have had with the rebellious angel, but his death would save so many others.

The choice was made. He got down onto his knees, closed his eyes, and prayed.

A few seconds later, Dean heard a flutter of wings. He opened his eyes and, to his surprise, was face to face with a familiar trenchcoat.

“Hello Dean.” Castiel greeted him “What exactly do you think you’re doing?”

Dean wasn’t sure how to answer.

Castiel seemed hurt. “You can’t do this. I gave it all up for you Dean. I trusted you, over centuries worth of Heaven’s glorious tales of the final battle. I chose to believe in you and Sam, so don’t give up. Don’t you dare give up.”

Castiel pulled him up from the floor with a swift movement. “I won’t let you say yes to Michael.” he warned him.

Dean stared at him apologetically “I’m sorry Cas, but I have to…” he took a deep breath, but before he was able to scream yes at the top of his lungs, the air was knocked out of him.

It took him a second to realize why the sound had never left his mouth, until he realized it was because Cas’s was stopping it. Castiel was kissing him.

“We can do this. The two of us, and we’ll get Sam back. I promise… just please, Dean, don’t give into Micheal. Don’t give up on me…on us.” he pleaded.

Dean knew he should have pushed him away. He should have. It was for the greater good. But he couldn’t. _We’ll find a way to save the world, he told himself, and even if we can’t, I guess it’s better to go out with a bang_. He pulled Cas over to the motel bed, sealing their fates for sure.

It was the beginning of the End…


End file.
